YOUR JUST JEALOUS BECAUSE THE VOICES ONLY TALK TO ME!

If you live everyday as though it's your last, eventually it'll be appropriate
Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky, and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
Everybody is somebody else's wierdo.
Puritanism : The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
If you let a smile be your umbrella, you'll get very wet.
Smile, and the world wonders what you're up to.
He who laughs last thinks slowest
God must love stupid people...He made SO many.
Always remember you're unique... Just like everyone else.
My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her ...or something like that.
Coffee, Chocolate, Men; Some things are just better rich.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving isn't for you.
The meek shall inherit the Earth -- after we're done with it.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
There are three kinds of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Money can't buy happiness...but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3 friends. If they're OK, you're it.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Life is like a box of chocolates... full of nuts
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.
Duct tape is like the force; it has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.
Two wrongs don't make a right...But three lefts do